connorfranta-meow:

Maybe one day I’ll forget your birthday and won’t be sad the whole day

Maybe one day I’ll forget the smell of your cologne and the warmth of your hug

Maybe one day I won’t have to convince myself not to message you

Maybe one day I won’t look through every profile looking for updates on how you’ve been

Maybe one day I won’t wonder what or how you’re doing

Maybe one day I won’t reminisce our memories

Maybe one day I won’t think of you

Maybe one day I’ll forget about you

And when I do, and I will one day, when I do, oh god I hope you think of me

Going back in your memories you think about when your first time was. The first time you kissed someone and felt a spark. The first time someone else’s touch left goosebumps on your body. You weren’t mentally prepared to handle all of him, you wanted him to be your world, but the world you were in was already torn down. Without thinking of what your options were, you just ended it, cold and heartless, you left him crying, you left yourself crying. After years you realized what happened and what could have happened. You have no one else to blame but yourself. All the boys you laid with thinking it was him. All the boys you let touch your lips, wishing it was him. All the bottle you emptied because you wanted answers. All the memories you wanted to replay because you just wanted to pause and play it in slow-motion. All the tears you shed because you couldn’t find anything to bring you as much happiness as he did. All of this because of my first.